Dear Clutter,
Allow me to introduce myself. Even though we’ve never actually met, I feel like I know you. For 30 years, I’ve worked as a professional organizer and have been walking into people’s homes and finding you everywhere. In closets, basements, garages, kitchen drawers, under beds, and plenty of other unsuspecting spots. And having seen your work, I’m onto your tricks.
You rarely arrive all at once, and you’re sneaky. A shopping bag full of bags here, a stack of magazines there, an old television box someone swears they’ll use to pack when they move. And then, before anyone realizes what’s happened, you’ve made yourself at home with no intention of leaving. Ever.
But here’s the thing, Clutter, I ain’t scared of you. That’s because I have systems in place and an uncanny ability to spot you before you get started. (In case you've never seen my work, check out the before-and-after shed video above, or the YouTube video of me tackling that 90-square-foot NYC studio.)
That’s not to say you don’t have a lot of other people fooled. I’ve seen people hold onto you for many reasons, and after all these years, I know how you get away with it: You live in the maybe.
Maybe I’ll need this someday.
Maybe I’ll fit into this again.
Maybe I’ll read this.
Maybe I’ll fix this.
Maybe I’ll sell this.
Maybe someone will want it.
You’ve got a maybe for everything, and that’s how you suck ‘em in. But not me. I know that maybes are just deal-with-it-later decisions.
I’m not judging anyone for unknowingly subletting you (for free, I might add) space in their homes. I also know evicting you isn’t easy. But guess what, Clutter: it isn’t about you.
It can be difficult to say goodbye to something once treasured or something they spent good money on. Sometimes it’s guilt because the item was a gift, or perhaps it’s for nostalgia’s sake. But oftentimes, it’s simply because they’re tired, and putting something onto a pile feels a whole lot easier than deciding where it belongs or what to do with it.
But one thing is for sure: your presence makes people feel bad because they’ve forgotten what the top of their dining room table looks like. Which is why I’ve decided to make it my goal to help others get rid of you and to take back their homes (and their lives!) once and for all.
With the air getting cooler and the light getting darker (not to mention the holidays, decorations, and wrapping paper looming in the distance), this is the perfect time of year to do it.
I bet you're wondering how they'll kick you out. I’ll tell you. They simply need to answer one question for each piece of clutter:
Do I use it, need it, or love it? In other words, does it have a purpose?
If the answer is YES. Keep it.
If the answer is NO—or one of those maybes I mentioned earlier—then toss it, recycle it, or give it away.
That’s it. No elaborate system. No 17-step organizing method. No waiting for the perfect moment. All they need to do is make a simple decision: yes or no.
So, Clutter, consider this your eviction notice because from now on, it won’t just be me saying, “I ain’t scared of you.” It’ll be everyone else.
With love (and absolutely no intention of keeping that extra extension cord),
P.S. Anyone have a problem area of clutter? Feel free to let me know and I’ll let you know how to tackle it.
SONG OF THE WEEK
Take It Back by Bug Hunter.
