Love, Actually (In Ink and Truth)
Why handwritten love letters still beat chocolates, texts, and heart emojis
Dear Reader,
You know what really warms my heart as Valentine’s Day approaches? Knowing that many people consider a handwritten letter a dream gift on this holiday, outranking chocolates and fine dining. This data comes from a survey by EliteSingles.com (and honestly, they should know). Nearly 90% of people surveyed have written a love letter at some point.
About that, I should know.
I’ve written many. And I’ve been lucky enough to receive plenty more.
Love letters have always been a crucial part of my relationships. I’m not alone in this. Most people believe love letters are essential to a happy relationship, something I can wholeheartedly confirm. Even when my partner and I lived in the same town—and in some cases the same home—we still wrote letters all year long. And yes, I have the proof.
A love letter shows effort. It says: I stopped. I thought about you. I chose my words. It makes you feel seen in ways a dozen roses simply do not.
One Valentine’s Day, a boyfriend gave me a heart-shaped box of chocolates that I immediately recognized as a last-minute CVS purchase. I left it in his car before I got out. The following year, he redeemed himself with a handwritten letter on a card he made himself out of colored paper.
Growth is possible, folks.
The world now moves at warp speed. Nearly 25 billion texts fly back and forth every day. A heart emoji is sweet, but it is not a love letter. Spending so much time with letters has only deepened my belief that they slow us down in exactly the ways love requires.
Is writing one hard? Hell no. Here are a few tips:
Reach into your heart and pull out what’s actually there. Be real.
If you’re able, use pen and paper. Heck, use crayons. Texting a love letter feels like phoning it in. We all know AI will happily finish your sentence the moment you type LOVE.
Don’t worry if your handwriting looks like chicken scrawl or spelling isn’t your strong suit. Your handwriting is your unmistakable YOU. Lean into it.
Say something specific. Name the thing you love. Specificity is romance’s secret weapon.
And finally, just do it.
So, as VD approaches (is it just me, or is it deeply unfortunate that a holiday about love shares initials with venereal disease?), I beg you to sit down and express your love for someone. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. Write to a family member. A friend. Heck, write one to your parakeet.
Because learning to express love is, in the end, mostly a gift to yourself.
With love (and a lifetime supply of Forever stamps with hearts on them)
Felice
P.S. If you receive a love letter this year, do the radical thing: keep it. Tuck it somewhere safe. Someday, it will matter more than you think.
SONG OF THE WEEK
“Love Letter” by Ed Sheeran
ATTENTION Book and Music Lovers: Your Dream Cruise Is less than 90 days away!
Felice Cohen is an award-winning author, best known for squeezing big ideas into small spaces—like her 90-square-foot NYC apartment (yes, really). Her books include Half In: A Coming-of-Age Memoir of Forbidden Love, 90 Lessons for Living Large in 90 Square Feet, and What Papa Told Me, with praise from legends like Elie Wiesel and Rita Mae Brown. Her viral YouTube tour has racked up over 25 million views—mostly from people wondering where she kept her shoes. More at felicecohen.com.
Reading your wonderful tips, I have to say it -- every letter can be a love letter when it comes from the heart. It may not be romantic love, but just the act of writing is an act of love.
"Because learning to express love is, in the end, mostly a gift to yourself." I could've chosen any number of lines I love from today's post. Most of all I love your five tips for writing because they're great for any day of the year.